Wednesday, February 16, 2005

The Blood of the Young!

Wired News ran a story today entitled Young Blood Makes Muscles Spry. It describes experiments where young rats have their blood streams hooked up to old rats and, after about 6 weeks the old mice received several health benefits.

Now it has to be a continuous transfer from a genetically identical being. You can't just drink the blood of the young like some medieval psychopathic aristocrat. (Though would that not be cool? Creepy, super strong old people stalking the streets with a thirst for blood. Night of the Dentures!) That being said, it makes you look twice at those baby carrier backpacks. It would only take a hidden I.V. tube and a kid who is an identical clone of the parent.

So in summary, if you see an older parent with a baby strapped to their back or chest who has a strong family resemblance, don't take any chances. Grab the person, scream hysterically and refuse to let go until the authorities arrive. You may feel silly, but you just may be stopping a mad scientist and his or her twisted plan to cheat death by parasitizing the young!

Then again this research may just be about discovering how to keep seniors healthy and cure degenerative diseases. Who can say. Are we really going to trust a bunch of scientists with their book-learning and creepy ideas?

4 Comments:

At Thu Feb 17, 12:32:00 PM 2005, Blogger Erin said...

While we're on the topic of aging blood...

My birthday is on Saturday, and one of my wishes is to learn a new word. I was hoping you could help me with this.

The world of science offers an entire vocabulary with which I am largely unfamiliar. Ideally, I would like to learn a scientific word that I could apply broadly during conversation in interesting and creative ways. But I would also enjoy something completely arcane, related to the mating habits of wombats.

Something like that.

If you teach me an interesting word, then I'll send you a link to a website I think you might enjoy. Although it's hard to say. You have a lot of elitist criteria for what qualifies as an acceptable website.

And I swore off elitists for the New Year! Damn. At least you're far away, in Canada even (and, as every American knows, Canada doesn't really exist).

 
At Thu Feb 17, 07:29:00 PM 2005, Blogger Apesnake said...

Lets see:

Coprophagia - a nicer way of calling an animal or and acquaintance a shit eater. "Rats are notoriously coprophagic"

But then it is not completely arcane so there is a chance you may have heard it before (I don't know what circles you travel in ;-)

Thermal depolymerization - an industrial process that is being developed to break down garbage, farm waste, sewage, old tires and annoying people into less complex substances like fuel oil with mineral and metals produced as by product. When someone asks you what happened to somebody annoying, you can tell them they were enrolled in thermal depolymerization therapy. They won't understand that it means the person was ground up, boiled under pressure and flash-cooled in a vacuum.

But for arcane there is sockdolager - a heavy or knock-down blow. (Of the non pleasant variety) Granted it is not a scientific term but you are more likely to see someone deliver a sockdolager than to see them get depolymerized.

I have to confess I cheated and looked up the last one at http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/index.htm

I hope that was helpful.

As for my elitist criteria, they only apply to links that I will post on the blog; I need to maintain some standards or people will heap scorn on me. Sometimes those heaps of scorn have rocks and splintery things in them. My personal down time surfing is just about unlimited with the exception of anything that will get me sent to Guantanamo Bay or chased by angry villagers with torches. One of my favorite sites awhile back was a Christian site with anthropomorphic animals that taught kids creationism and that they should inform the authorities if they discover an atheist (depicted as a goat man in a bathrobe with a coffee mug). It was hysterical. objective.jesussave.us/kidz.html
Unfortunately it seems to be off but I think their host is just doing technical stuff.

Have a happy burffday. Is there one or two 'f's in burffday?

 
At Fri Feb 18, 01:06:00 PM 2005, Blogger Erin said...

Splendid! You have made my morning.

Alright then, you might already be familiar with this one. But I'll send it along just in case. I find it strangely uplifting, especially when I find myself in a caustic mood.

www.landoverbaptist.org

 
At Fri Feb 18, 11:54:00 PM 2005, Blogger Apesnake said...

I love the link! I think I had seen it some time ago but I didn't give it the attention it deserved. It has broken down the barriers between my humor and blasphemy categories. They are now one, as well they should be and it means that I don't have to decide where to put Jesusdressup.com.

 

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