Monday, October 03, 2005

How to Become the Governor of a Highly Fundamentalist State.

So you want to become the governor of a highly fundamentalist state? You're certain?

You take the blue hog-jowl and the story ends.
You wake in your bed and you believe
whatever you want to believe.

You take the red hog-jowl and you stay
in Dixieland, and I show you how
deep the rat-hole goes.

Step 1) Become a lawyer.

Step 2) Become a judge.

Step 3) Get elected to the position of Chief Justice of the State Supreme Court.

Step 4) Do something that seems (to the average person with a short attention span) to be extremely pious yet is completely illegal like putting a big honking Judeo-Christian monument in the state court house to intimidate the heathen. Picking some fights with the ACLU never hurts either. Every majority hates the ACLU and majorities bring in the votes and the bucks. When you lose your job over it you will be able to milk people's beliefs for all they are worth. You will be seen as a martyr for your shared beliefs (whether you actually have any is irrelevant). Have the event videotaped so you can sell copies for charitable funds to increase your profile and gain exposure at the same time.

Step 5) Why, write a book of course. A book is a medium whereby you can completely hammer away your side of the story for 262 pages without having to answer questions like in media interviews or in a political debate.

Step 6) Announce that you are running for governor of the state.

Your only problem now is to decide whether you are going to sit back and enjoy your spoils or actually keep your nose somewhat clean so that you can make a bid for the presidency one day.

My only problem is trying to figure out whether people who follow this plan or the many versions of it (how to become a senator, how to become a congressman, etc.) are really able to use their own sincere beliefs to manipulate and trick others of the same beliefs in order to gain power and influence or if people like Roy Moore are those highly functional psychopaths who are able to adopt the persona of a believer in order to use charm and intelligence to play people like fiddles. I suspect that there are some of each in the religion industry these days. Maybe it is not always an either or question.


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